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We Like War
by George Carlin
1937 - 2008

American comedian,
social critic, actor, author
with five Grammy Awards

Hello! Thank you, thank you. Thank you and hello New York!

OK. It has been a little while, since I have been here and a couple of things have happened in that time. I'd like to talk a little bit about the war in the Persian Gulf. Big doings in the Persian Gulf.

You know my favorite part of that war? It is the first war we ever had that was on every channel, plus cable. And the war got good ratings too, didn't it? Got good ratings. Well, we like war. We like war, we are a warlike people. We like war, because we are good at it.

You know why we are good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country is only 200 years old and already we have had 10 major wars. We average a major war every 20 years in this country, so we are good at it!

And it is a good thing we are, we are not very good in anything else anymore. Can't built a decent car, can't make a TV set or VCR worth a f!!!. Got no steel industry left, can't educate our young people can't get health care for our old people, but we can bomb the s!!! out of your country alright?!

Especially if your country is full of brown people. Oh, we like that, don't we? That's our hobby! That's our new job in the world, bombing brown people! Iraq, Panama, Granada, Libya, you got some brown people in your country, tell them to watch the f!!! out or we will g!! d!!! bomb them!

Well, when is the last white people you can remember that we bombed? Can you remember the last white people? Can you remember any white people, we have ever bombed? The Germans! Those are the only ones and that is only because they were trying to cut in on our action. They wanted to dominate the world! B!!! s!!!! That's our f!!!!!! job!

Now, we only bomb brown people. Not because they are trying to cut in on our action, just because they are brown.

You probably noticed that I don't feel about that war the way we were told, we were supposed to feel about that war, the way we were ordered and instructed by the USA government to feel about that war. You see, I tell you, my mind does not work that way. I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and I am not a very good American, because I like to form my own opinions! I don't just roll over when I am told to. Sad to say most Americans roll over on command. Not me. I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. Nope.

And I don't take very seriously the media or the press in this country who in the case of the Persian Gulf war were nothing more than unpaid employees of the Department of Defense and who most of the time, most of the time function as kind of unofficial public relations agency for the US government. So I don't listen to them.

I don't really believe in my country and I got to tell you folks, I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I consider them to be symbols and I leave symbols to the symbol minded.

Me, I look at war a little bit differently. To me war is a lot of p!!!! waving. OK? Simple thing that's all it is. War is a whole lot of men standing out on the field waving their p!!!!! at one another. Men are insecure about the size of their d!!!! and so they have to kill one another over the idea. That's what all that a!!!!!! jack b!!!!!!! is all about. That is what all that adolescent macho-male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. It is called d!!! fear. Men are terrified that their p!!!!! are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another to feel better about themselves and since war is the ultimate competition basically men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem.

You do not have to be a historian or political scientist to see the bigger d!!! foreign policy theory at work. It sounds like this: What? They have bigger d!!!!?! Bomb them! And of course the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like d!!!!. It is a subconscious need to project the p!!!! into other peoples' affairs. It is called F!!!!!! WITH PEOPLE! So, as far as I am concerned that whole thing in the Persian Gulf is nothing more than a big p!!!!-waving d!!! fight.

In this particular case Saddam Hussein had questioned the size of George Bush's d!!!. And George Bush has been called "The Wimp" for so long - wimp rhymes with limp - George has been called The Wimp for so long that he has to act out his own fantasies by sending other people's children to die. Even the name - BUSH is related to the genitals without being the genitals. A bush is a sort of passive secondary sex characteristic. Now, if this man's name had been George Boner... Well he might have felt a little bit better about himself and we would not have had any trouble over there in the first place.

This whole country has a manhood problem. Big manhood problem in the USA You can tell from the language we use. Language always gives you away. What did we do wrong in the Vietnam? We pulled out! Not a very manly thing to do, is it?

When you are f!!!!!! people, you got to stay in there and f!!! them good, f!!! them all the way! F!!! until the end. Stay in there and keep f!!!!!! them until they are all dead! We left a few women and children alive in Vietnam, and we have not felt good about ourselves since.

That is why in the Persian Gulf George Bush had to say "This will not be another Vietnam!" He actually used these words, he said: "This time we are going all the way!" Imagine an American president using the sexual slang of a thirteen year old to describe his foreign policy. If you want to know what happened in the Persian Gulf just remember the names of the two men who were running that war, Dick Cheney and Colin Powell. Somebody got f!!!!! in the a!!!

Well, I tell you what - Now to balance the scale I would like to talk about some things that bring us together. Things that point out our similarities instead of our differences, because that's what you have been hearing in this country. Our differences. That is all the media and the politicians are ever talking about. Things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. That is the way the ruling class operates in any society. They try to divide the rest of the people. They keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other, so that they, the rich, can run off with all the f!!!!!! money. Fairly simple thing, happens to work. You know, anything different - that is what they are gonna talk about. Race, religion, ethnic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality, anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other so that they can keep going to the bank.

The complete video of this presentation and other revelations which are linked next contain hard-hitting street gutter language profanity and off-the-charts vulgar allusions to abhorent physical behavior that some socially protected viewers might find offensive or disgusting or even sickening. This was George Carlin's technique to shock his audience out of their passive complacency as he described social crimes that SHOULD make people sick!

If you choose to watch this video, you should be aware that you have been warned, and that you accept the risk of subsequent sleepless nights. It is your own choice.
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